7th grade football done for season. They won all their games! Proud mama here.

The last few mouths have been crazy busy. School starting. All then activities getting started back up.
This year has gone by faster for me then any other.

Girl Scout leader here. I know some of you out their feel my pain Trying to get meeting and activities set up. I have a Co-leader so it's better. We have 35 girls!

VP of PTO. Head of one project now. Gave Box Top to someone else after 3 years which makes my family happy that they don't have to cut and sort them anymore.

I feel blessed that I have healthy children to keep me so busy.

Super tight week

I pray we can find the money for everything we need this month. Right now I don't know were it will come from. Rent came out the 1st which without overtime is his whole check for the week. That means no groceries for the week. I have to be creative because with no overtime the cupboard and frig. or pretty bare. Be I grow up with no money so I can make it through to the end of week.  I haven't worked for years because I drive the kids around and voleenter. They are in more and more activities but I am going to have to find a job. My husband doesn't want to help with the kids.

I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. Beside the regular bills. We have school reg. and lunch accounts. Vehicle tags and insurance is due. Still paying on for hospital bills and very large dentist bill. Dance registration. Football fees. College. State fair because my daughter is in competition.Birthdays.

I am giving up my Dr Pepper habit. Which is going to be rough. But need to cut budget.

Started on Probiotic Acidophilus seams to help. Used to take more vitamins. But the good ones cost money. I will slowly get back to that when my budget is a little better.

I needed caffeine fix so I had to be creative. I have coffee in the house but only like it with flavored creamer or cool with sweetened condensed milk for iced coffee.Did have either. Found recipe on internet for iced coffee half and half but I used milk. Vanilla extract and honey. Worked.

Washer still broke and don't have money to fix it. Have to go to laundromat or once in a will to in-laws but they are 20 miles away. Then dry them at home.

Girl Scouts is going to start back up. Which I am a leader. Also 4-H. Sunday school and confirmation. Football and Volleyball. Regular dance four classes. I take care all the box tops for school. September calender is full.  I am tired just thinking about it!

Long Summer

I have not been putting myself first.
I broke  down  to ask doctor for an anti depressant. It is  a low dose  but it still makes me tired. I guess  it  takes  a while  to  build  up in  my  system.  This  week I got more  cleaning done.  So maybe  it is starting to help.
Today my son turned  13. We are using a free  room so the kids can go swimming.

Not looking forward  to August. It will be a big money drain  on the family.

Made son ice cream  cake  for birthday. All but my oldest  ask for my ice cream  cake.  My oldest  wants apple pie.

I took a sleeping pill hours ago and it has not worked!

Getting back to writing

The forth I set up a writing area. Took apart my dresser to make a desk.  Put all my cloths in my closet. I have no spare rooms to use. So this was my solution.
Had a quit forth. Hamburgers, beers and jello cake. My go to forth desert. This ones from Pinterest.

Yesterday my daughter had one of her compations. She is in a tap trio that do anywhere from 5-9 compations a Summer. They have been doing it for 3 years now. They won the one last week.  So they get to go and perform at State Fair for 3rd year in a row. I am not in love with driving to these comps but as long as she wants to do it I will.  They also get calls to perform. They perform before a Harlem Globe Troter game this year. One parent sounds like they don't want to do a comp on Sun. Which would of been okay if I know about it earlier. I could of had other plans. I hate it when others think their lives are more imported then mine. Today I am trying not to stress out.

Went to Hotel last night. We had a free room. Daughter swam and I sat in hot tub.
We had to get back so she could do basketball and cheer day camps.

Tired but not sleepy

Relaxing night in the hotel last night didn't happen. My hubby ate two heaping plates of fried food last night at the buffet. And was in the bathroom a dozen times during the night. He will never learn.
It is pretty quite at home tonight.The youngest two are gone. My daughter camping with family and almost thirteen year son on a trip with my in-laws to Colorado.
My husbands brother lost his son in Afghanistan in 2011. They live in Colorado and take part in local events. It is our sons first time going that far from home. He was ready to go. Him and his father(hubby) argue a lot. He is at the age were he doesn't want to do what we tell him. And in his eyes we are stupid-don't know anything.
I really don't remember my oldest two being this definite.
My frig was totally bare this morning. I asked my eighteen year old if he wanted me to pick him up anything. He said NO. I ten minutes ago he looks in the restocked frig and said there was nothing to eat.
I decided that today I would stock up on fruits and veggies. Which my twelve and eighteen year old boys view as poison.  Were they get the I don't know. My nine year old and twenty-one year old love veggies. My eighteen year old will stop eating if he spots a tiny fleck of onion or pepper in his spaghetti sauce.
Tonight I am going to relax with a facial mask, UV blue and lemonade, and X-file reruns on Netflix.

Nails 4th July ready  

So I am at a hotel with my hubby and I did my nails and he played Hay Day on the tablet.
Yep the romantic  is gone.

Time away from kids and we spend it together but separate. That has been the theme of our marriage  for years. How do people just get stalled in their  lives?  I wish I knew the point in my  life  that  I settled for okay instead of happy.

Today hair- color and cut. I have colored my hair myself sense I was thirteen. 13-22 blond after that red and brown, now at 40 just covering gray. For the first time in 27 years I had a full drop of hair color drop into my eye. I got to tell you that hurt like a #@!%. Trying to get out of my slump. Also totally cleaned my room and closet. I had clothes laying all over. And kids toys in my room. Organized an sorted my room. Good day- July 1st, 2015

Time to get myself back

My passion for things in my life started to slowly leave me about two years ago. But this year it seems like I gave all of my passions up and became a shell of a person. It happened so slowly that I did realizes myself was gone.
January 2014 we found out my dad was down to months not years to live. To much iron was building up in his liver. He did try treatments the year before but decided he did not like living his life like that. He know he was not long for this earth when my nephew came from out of state for Thanksgiving. Dad told him that was the last time he would see him. At the same time I was having some physical problems. The first thing that went was my love for all Holidays. Decorating for holidays was a favorites thing of mine. I just wanted the holidays to pass by unnoticed. Which with four kids is not a great thing to wish.
Next it was my total joy and love for cooking. The passion for new ingredients and new recipes.
The months before dad passed where very emotional. I didn't agree with some of the thing happening with my dads auction "Treasures". I felt like it was cannibalism to sell things before he was in the grave. I didn't say anything because I knew it had to be done. My parents always had money problems and to pay bills it had to happen. My sisters and brother picked out somethings to keep but it we just to painful for me.
My dad died May 1st 2014. Two days before I had surgery. The day of dads funeral my niece spoke for my sisters because of their grief but I needed to stand up and speak for myself. Of my memories of dad.
It took almost a year for my brain the grasp the fact the he wasn't going to be at an auction when I walked in.  For if the kids did something I could not call him to tell him. I truly liked sitting at an auction all day even if I only bought one thing. But that was not fun anymore.
The end of last year my love for writing started to go away. I used to fill notes of everything in my life. I threw them out.
I March I use to start plants in the house to put in my garden. Not this year. I did not even put a garden in at all this year it is just grass where my garden used to be.
Then my appearance didn't matter anymore. No skin care routine. Not showering for three four days. I leave the house without doing my makeup and hair more times then not.
It is time to get some feeling back in my life.  My health has been suffering.   June 30th, 2015